


Object Permanence

by hannahcalifornia



Series: Dalton Big Bang 2020 [5]
Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Dalton Big Bang 2020, Gen, Logan Wright Has ADHD, M/M, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Post-Canon, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahcalifornia/pseuds/hannahcalifornia
Summary: Logan Wright goes to therapy and gains insight into his past behaviors. Set a few years after Dalton when they're in college.
Relationships: Julian Larson-Armstrong & Derek Seigerson, Julian Larson-Armstrong/John Logan Wright III
Series: Dalton Big Bang 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771465
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Object Permanence

“You must have mixed up my file, doctor. I don’t have ADHD.”  
“Oh, I apologize that you saw that, Logan. These are just rough notes for your evaluation. Have you pursued an ADHD diagnosis in the past?”  
“Well, not exactly, but, I get straight A’s. Have my whole life.”  
“That’s amazing, Logan. And you should be proud of yourself for that. But grades don’t rule out a diagnosis.”  
“I didn’t say they did. Wait, do you get a kickback on Ritalin or something? Is that it?”  
“No, Logan, I don’t. And if this is going to work between us we need to establish some trust here."   
“I’m sorry but, fuck, it’s like you’re throwing darts on a mental illness dartboard blindfolded. No offense.”  
“No, you’re right. Diagnosis can be tedious. And oftentimes it does feel a little like we’re shooting in the dark. That’s because the human mind is complex. Putting people into categories is helpful in my profession. It helps us identify possible treatments and strategies to mitigate symptoms. But at the end of the day, they are just categories. To understand someone we have to dig deeper.”  
“So you think I have it.”  
“Given what you and your father have told me so far, I think it’s worth pursuing. Low frustration tolerance, mood swings, hot temper, impulsiveness, trouble coping with stress…these are symptoms I see in patients with ADHD but also lots of other conditions. We’re at the beginning of a long process. But one I hope you’ll find ultimately rewarding.”  
“Because at the end of it I’ll get categorized. And people can judge me even more.”  
"No, so your life can get easier because it doesn’t have to be this hard. You are more than your biology, Logan. You are more than any diagnosis. Knowing about ourselves, it’s just a tool. You know that right? You’re smart. So can we cut the bullshit? Work with me.”  
“Okay.”  
“I need to know more about you and your life. Your dad has given me the big picture and filled me in on the major events. But I want to know. What’s a typical day like? When there aren’t mothers leaving or fights in the show choir room or fires, how are things, really? Because I suspect that things aren’t always easy. Even when it’s calm.”  
“See that’s where you’re wrong. Because, apart from those things you mentioned, things are great.”  
“Walk me through a typical day of John Logan Wright III. Humor me.”  
“Well, I get up…”  
“Would you say you usually feel rested when you get up?”  
“Other than not being able to breathe for the first few seconds, yes.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I get nightmares. That’s why I sleep with Derek.”  
“Is that your boyfriend?”  
“What? No, Derek is my friend. He’s straight. He was in the fire, too. Or, he was outside of it. Looking in. He gets nightmares, too. So we sleep together.”  
“But it’s not sexual?”  
“Jesus Christ.”  
“You’re laughing. Why?”  
“I just like having someone next to me, okay? To keep me calm. Yeah, we get drunk, watch porn, and jack each other off sometimes. Is that what you want to hear? Your gay mentally ill patient uses his friends for sex. Does that help you with your diagnosis?”  
“Logan, I was just trying to understand. It’s perfectly normal to find comfort in co-sleeping. It’s very calming. Especially when it’s someone you trust. Do you trust him?”  
“Yeah, he’s my best friend. I trust him completely.”  
“That’s wonderful, Logan. It’s good to have people in our lives like that. So what happens next?”  
“Well, Derek usually talks me out of my nightmare. And then I can breathe a little easier. And then I have coffee.”  
“How much coffee do you drink a day?”  
“I don’t know. Like, 6 to 8 cups?”  
“6 to 8 cups, a day?”  
“I can’t concentrate without it.”  
“I see. We might need to work together on cutting that down to two or three cups in the future. But don't worry about that now. What about breakfast?”  
“Well, I always prepare my overnight oats the night before, obviously.”  
“Would you say you often plan things out ahead of time?”  
“Yes?”  
“Do you eat the same breakfast every day?”  
“Does that make me crazy?”  
“You aren’t crazy, Logan. I’m interested because you say you don’t have ADHD. I’m wondering if maybe you just don’t notice all the things you do already to manage your symptoms. Things that probably get exhausting.”  
“Like making breakfast?”  
“Yeah, like preparing every little thing ahead of time.”  
“Well, I’ve always been like that. If I don't do it, I screw things up.”  
“I see. There’s one more thing I want to ask you. This might sound silly. But where do you keep your utensils?”  
“On the counter in a holder. I have a whole open shelving system. Are you going to enlighten me where you’re going with this?”  
“Logan, have you ever heard of object permanence?”  
“Like in babies?”  
“Yeah, babies don’t have a sense of object permanence. That’s why they love peek-a-boo. If something is out of their sight, it’s as good as gone. Magical when it comes back. But there’s an adult version, too. You know the expression, out of sight, out of mind?”  
“Yeah…”  
“It’s like that. But with your utensils. Most people keep their stuff in drawers. I find it interesting that you don’t. What do you think would happen if you put them away?”  
“I hate drawers because they always get messy and I can never find anything. Or I just, forget about it. Rebuy something I already have.”  
“Out of sight, out of mind. That’s another symptom of ADHD. A significant one.”  
“So what, I need medication because of the way I handle my kitchen utensils?”  
“No, of course not. You’ve figured out a system and that’s great. But struggling with object permanence as an adult, it’s not just about organization and attention span. It affects everything, from your interpersonal relationships to even how you process life and death.”  
“Okay, I’ll bite. Explain.”  
“Do you feel numb at funerals because the person being gone doesn’t fully register?”  
“Well with my grandmother, I was young. I didn't know why I had to be there at all. Funerals aren’t places for children.”  
“And with your teacher? We haven’t talked about that.”  
“With Harvey, it was awful. Everyone was crying. I couldn’t cry. I thought it was the Prozac that my old doctor had me on. I told you, those pills make it hard to feel things.”  
“Maybe it’s not the pills. Maybe it’s also how you process things. Maybe it’s harder for your brain to recognize that he was really gone.”  
“Could be.”  
“Do you think friends stop caring when you haven’t heard from them?”  
“What? No…I…fuck. How much time do we have left? I don’t want to be here anymore. I don't want to think about this anymore."  
“Logan, I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to make you upset. Do you need a tissue? Here, take one, please. It’s okay. Please let me in. What were you thinking about?”  
“It’s Julian.”  
“Julian Larson. The actor. The other boy in the fire.”  
“Yeah, I fucking- he was on the other side of the country because he was in this stupid soap opera. It was so dumb. And I guess when he was over there, I forgot about him. Or I thought he forgot about me. And he thought I didn’t care. And that’s why he, he didn’t tell me until it was too late.”  
“Tell you what?”  
“He was in love with me. And I didn’t notice. It was my fault, that he jumped last and went into a coma”  
“It wasn’t your fault, Logan. There was 1000 degree heat. Smoke. A killer with a knife. Things happened quickly. You were in an extreme, unthinkable crisis most adults couldn't handle.”  
“He was trying to save me.”  
“You were 16 years old.”  
“So do you think that ADHD medication could help with all that?”  
“I’m not going to make a diagnosis right now. I am going to do more evaluations. Then we’ll start talking about specific treatments. But, I really do think treatment could help with object permanence and managing all this stress boiling up because you're spending so much energy compartmentalizing. As I said, it shouldn’t be this hard.”  
“Okay. That sounds good actually. Thanks.”  
“In the meantime, Logan. I just want to say this. Your friends care about you. Even when they aren’t beside you in your bed. Even when they are on the other side of the country. They still love you. That doesn’t go away.”  
“I know. I guess I forget I know. But I know.”  
\--  
"Hi, it's Julian Larson. Looks like I'm busy and you have to leave a message at the beep."  
“Hey, Jules. It's Logan. I was just thinking about you. It’s been raining. I just wanted to tell you that. Call me sometime, would you?”

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based off the following tweet about ADHD and Object Permanence  
> https://twitter.com/vartian/status/1274852542460166145
> 
> Characters belong to CP Coulter.
> 
> Written for Dalton Big Bang. Week 4, Day 1. Prompt: Therapy.  
> https://daltonficbigbang.tumblr.com/schedule


End file.
